THE RELATIONSHIP BLOG
I get so many parents who come into my office who have felt the helplessness and heartbreak of having a child who is an addict. Helplessness is probably the big word for me. I think being scared for what that child (and mostly adult children) will do to him or herself is extremely trying. We do not have control of the situation. As one of my patients said the other day...I can't be a babysitter all the time. I have to work to pay the bills, etc. And the child, again, my experience is with mostly adult children, doesn't seem to be able to care for themselves either. They tend to be very impulsive or obsessive or something. Once they get a thought in their heads, they pretty much follow through (an example is taking a bottle of pills). How ironic that they can follow through with that and not healthier thoughts. Again, a lot of helplessness. But, Parents, you must get it together again and again to find something that will help. Even though the statement keeps popping up...Can't help someone who is not ready to be helped. Put them in treatment. And then they use again. Put them in treatment and then they use again. Try tough love. Doesn't seem to be working either. It is a dilemma!
Wikipedia defines the co-dependent relationship as a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or underachievement.
I really try to simplify the Holidays. I believe our family was invited to 3 different homes for Thanksgiving. Members of my birth family could not get it together to have only one, but had to have two separate dinners. I refuse to get into the family politics. At least they were courtesous enough to have them at separate times. My partner's ex-inlaws had another sceduled earlier. I accepted the first invitation and did not attend others. I was very glad the one I accepted was the last one of the day and I spent a lovely day by myself attending to my dog, orchids and watching t.v. at my leisure.
Are you going to allow yourself to be depressed around the Holidays? A lot of us suffer from the Holiday blues. We are lonely, or the magic of the Holidays is gone, or traumatic events have occurred around this time of year...whatever the reason may be you need to take action and make a plan.